My grandfather died this August
My grandpa, Patrick Neve Sr. died on August 29, 2021. I’m not ready to write about my grieving process because I’m not quite sure how one grieves about these things. This is the biggest loss I’ve faced yet. I’m incredibly fortunate that is the case. People I love have lost people much closer to them. But I was incredibly close to my grandpa. So, this is new territory for me.
Even though I’m not ready to talk about grief, I still want to tell people about him.
I have found that telling stories about who he was (it’s still hard to write in past tense) helps the process. I also think his life has something to teach us. His life taught me about the power of grace and the possibility of redemption. How a man can begin his life one way and end it completely different.
The Beginning
From my perspective, my grandfather was always a saint. When I met him at the beginning of my life, he was a much different man than at the beginning of his. I didn’t learn until his funeral that his older sister stepped in and demanded his older brother teach him how to paint signs in order to keep him off the streets. Sign painting became a lifelong trade he passed on to my father.
My grandfather served in the Air Force, married my grandmother, and had two kids with her (she had two others from a previous marriage.) He ran a sign shop in Staten Island and later in Florida.
He also drank. A lot.
One of the interesting things about being a kid is you show up in the middle of everyone else’s life. You assume everyone around you has always been the way they are. My grandfather was sober by the time I was born, so it was weird to hear about who he was before that.
I learned about his life backward. I learned he was an alcoholic. I learned he had an incredibly short temper. I learned this temper hurt my dad and his sisters. But I also learned about his conversion. How he started to set right the damage he did.
The Middle
My grandparents went on a retreat together almost five decades ago that changed their marriage and their lives. He met Christ and realized he needed to change. He started going to Alcoholics Anonymous and was sober for 46 years on the day he died. Over half his lifetime.
That retreat started him on the course that made him become the man I knew as a kid. The fun grandpa who was always at church, who was good and kind to everyone, from his friends to random waiters at restaurants. His Christian witness to me was so profound, I remember having a dream when I was 10 that I went to heaven and God met me as my grandfather.
Even after a few decades of sobriety, he still went to AA meetings, sharing encouragement and inviting other men into sobriety. He helped lead dozens of retreats at our parish, inviting men into the Church. It seems his mission in the second half of his life was to invite as many people as possible into the life he had found in Christ.
He told everyone his favorite virtue was hope: the virtue that assures us of divine life in heaven. He handed out cards to random strangers that said, “God will never let go of you” and had his personal phone number on it in case anyone wanted to chat.
His joy came from nowhere but Christ. In spite of cancer, in spite of heart problems, in spite of strokes, my grandfather kept his joy, his hope, and his peace. I’m very proud to be named after him. I’m very proud when people compare my personality to his. I’m very proud to be his grandson.
The End
It’s easy to compare a human life and a story. We talk about our life having chapters and things similar to that. But it can be hard to square that analogy with the fact that stories usually have a happy ending while life always ends in death.
The story is a good analogy for human life, though. Stories whether a comedy or a tragedy, a tale of victory or defeat, all have to end. At some point, they have to be over. They need to leave you with something and make way for something new.
My grandpa’s story is no different. It is comedic, it is victorious, and it is over.
As all good stories do, though, my grandpa’s life passed something on to us. In the first half of his life, he passed on generational sin and trauma. In the second half of his life, Christ broke in. He spent the rest of his life passing on the way out. Not many people live to see their damage undone. My grandfather was incredibly fortunate. None of his grandkids (all adults) are alcoholics.
My grandfather is proof of the reality of grace. Grace is often something abstract to us. It’s something we can’t see or measure, so it might as well not exist. But grace is powerful. It broke through my grandfather and transformed him into a new man. It changed the course of his life and the course of his children and grandchildren. My children will be better off because of the grace he experienced.
Of course, at the moment he might not have seen it that way. In 1975, it may have seemed like grace was moving slowly. But regardless of how it felt in the moment to him, in 2021, he died a new man.
So, my question for you (but mostly for myself) is: are you letting grace move you? Do you expect God to change you, day by day until you are more like Him?
My grandfather’s life has given me more faith in the power of grace. Grace built him, slowly but surely, from an alcoholic father into a man I was comfortable comparing to God Himself. That’s the power of grace. It takes a sinner and turns him into Christ.
There is no doubt in my mind that my grandfather is in heaven right now. Please pray for his soul, but as you do consider his life. If you are shutting grace out or you doubt its power to transform you, consider his life and be open. You can have hope that grace will transform you.
In life, my grandfather taught me a lot. He taught me how to tell jokes to strangers and make them laugh. He taught me how to bring people to Jesus. He taught me how fun life can be. In death, he is teaching me how to hope. I hope he can teach you that, too.
Thank-You Wonderful Tribute! Thought provoking! God Bless You and the soul of the Dear Man who inspired you♥️
Thank you, Kathy!
Wow….what a lovely and moving and thought provoking tribute. A story with a truly “Happy Ending ” 😊 and “hope for eternity ❤
Thank you Ellis, his story does give me a lot of hope!
So close to my heart. I drank in excess at one point in my life. I overcame that and learned to rely on God and not a bottle. Your tribute to your grandfather was poignant. With the grace of God we learn to give our lives to God to use as he wants us to behave. I am so glad you only knew your Grandfather as the loving man he was. He obviously had a great impact on your life and love of God. You are Blessed to have had him.
You are missed here. I pray you are happy with your new time in life. May God continue to bless you!
Patrick, i keep that card on my refrigerator to remind me of his love. Thank you for a fitting testimonial.
What a beautiful testimonial, Pat. Thank you for composing it and sharing such an inspiring life and message.
A beautiful tribute to your grandfather- thank you for sharing. He is still preaching a Gospel of Hope.
I love this so so much <3